just jumping from one topic to another
[Half-mended doors and blown-out windows shudder in their frames as Hajime walks past, and patches of the sidewalk that weren't previously damaged in the last Arehtei incursion crunch into rough gravel under his feet. He's noticed, of course. Part of him even remembers hearing and reading about why. (Did he pick that leaflet up a few minutes ago? An hour? Three?) Those are the rules of this world, set in stone, just as alien and washing just as far over his talentless head as those of the one he left.
What he doesn't know is where the hell he's going. But if he stops moving, his train of thought will get going again instead. And if his train of thought gets going, it'll only circle back around to the same place - the same chill in the cavernous class courtroom, the same silence so different from the heat of the earlier trials. The same despair.
There's no way he can handle that. On his own, there's no way someone like him can handle that...]
Damn it!
[For a moment he makes as if to bodily ram all of his frustration into the partly-crumbled wall beside him, but in the end he just slumps. He's tired. Every cell inside him is tired. He's tired, he can still see her smiling at him from the opposite podium when he screws his eyes shut, and there aren't many people who could make a day like this worse.]
What he doesn't know is where the hell he's going. But if he stops moving, his train of thought will get going again instead. And if his train of thought gets going, it'll only circle back around to the same place - the same chill in the cavernous class courtroom, the same silence so different from the heat of the earlier trials. The same despair.
There's no way he can handle that. On his own, there's no way someone like him can handle that...]
Damn it!
[For a moment he makes as if to bodily ram all of his frustration into the partly-crumbled wall beside him, but in the end he just slumps. He's tired. Every cell inside him is tired. He's tired, he can still see her smiling at him from the opposite podium when he screws his eyes shut, and there aren't many people who could make a day like this worse.]
LITERALLY A YEAR LATER
What the hell is he even looking at?
Think, Hajime, says the part of his brain that has always been harder to shut off. Komaeda is insufferable (and died for it), averse to giving people straight answers (and died for it), and, you know, bugfuck insane (and died for it). But there's always at least some twisted logic to whatever goes on inside his skull, to whatever awful things come out of his mouth. He doesn't bring things up for no reason, even if you're left guessing and guessing again at the reason. And with logic comes some faint, scant possibility of understanding.
He wants to understand. He wants to understand so badly it sends a chill down his spine, wrapping around his limbs and sinking into his probably-empty stomach. But maybe that's the voice, or the image. Hard to say.]
That person... You know them? They're here?
No worries!
He'll just treat this, yes, like he has conversations with people here. Even if he likely won't be believed for telling the truth. The memory fades away, as he sighs mentally.]
Junko Enoshima, Ultimate Despair. She operated Monokuma in the previous killing lives, and she's dead. Just like I assume I am in your time. I don't know who is operating Monokuma on Jabberwock. I don't have all the pieces yet.
Hinata-kun, we all know her. The Future Foundation just made us forget we were once her inner circle. That is Tsumiki's beloved she was talking about. It's possible you didn't know her, but the man they made of your mind and body did.
Kamukura Izuru, a testament to the depravity of the place we loved so much. His birth was the beginning of the end for them especially when she got her claws into him. He was perfect, made to be that way, and so utterly bored with the world because of it.
You may not believe me. No, I'm sure you don't! But we don't have time for you to reach the conclusions yourself. She is here and she knows us better than we know ourselves.
And the Tree of Memory at the center of the city shows forgotten memories as well as ones we can easily recall. Even if you doubt me, the past is coming for you just like it has been hounding my every step here.
no subject
But he can't tune out. ...Can he? If he ignores Komaeda now, will this twisted bastard turn on him again, like before? Won't he be adrift again, and lose his best hope of figuring any of this out?
...Hope. As if.]
It's... hard not to doubt. [A response that Nagito will undoubtedly find some way to shit on, but that's the best response he can come up with in his head while his mouth feels this dry. The floor is beginning to feel drier and grittier, too.] But you're right. I saw you dead.
[Which means they're already far beyond the boundaries of what makes sense. That, in turn, means there must be something more to this. Still thinking, still thinking. Still thinking, despite his every wish to plunge back into the dark and let it swallow him whole.]
Did... that... happen to me? And the rest of us? That can't be it. That doesn't fit with any of the other executions...
no subject
I doubt it. The living and the dead come here, Enoshima's sister is very much alive, and from the point I came from just opening the file, so was I. [It's not like he's upset he's dead. Actually, it makes a lot of things so much easier. He's far calmer than he probably should be. No need to look beneath the flooring to why he so desperately wants Hinata to understand.
No need to think of any of it.]
As far as we can tell this world is crying out for help, from the depths of its coma. It's trying to survive, Hinata-kun and somehow we're the solution. All those who come here, anyway.
From all manners of universes and species. It's a bit like a novel. [A fondness enters his voice. This is home, now. He doesn't have to worry about going back. There's no need for that either.]
no subject
That is what would bring this extended nightmare to an end, right?]
Then... how do we leave? [Because it sounds like they don't. It sounds like they're trapped, again. And the sinking sensation in the pit of his stomach at the thought is one that Nagito probably recognises.]
no subject
Here he can be someone else. Something else.]
It will have to be after the interdiction. It's a barrier that is supposed to slowly fade.
[It isn't lost on him that Hinata wants to be away from him. The feeling is mutual but he can't ignore him either. Not with Junko around.] You might leave all on your own. That happens at times.
No one has to kill anyone here. Not that we'd stay dead if we did. [The reason Junko isn't dead, really.]