BONE PARTY

[seriff]

[It's spring, and it's a beautiful day. The sun shines. Birds sing. Flowers bloom. It's not an atmosphere that meshes well with a dead body lying on a park bench, jacket hanging wide open and bones picked clean.

So it's fortunate that Sans is only asleep. Emphatically asleep, mind. Now and then, in between snores, he opens one eyesocket to check that any humans and monsters in the vicinity alike are aware of just how asleep he is. There are a few - mostly humans, several of them walking dogs, quite a few of them doing a double take as they pass the bench and walking away in a bit more of a hurry than when they approached.

Someone's still missing, though. Hmm. That comes to twenty-nine fake snores since he woke up for real. Under normal circumstances, it never takes his bro more than thirty...]

Comments

[seriff]

[Speaking of keeping eyes open, Sans nonchalantly closes his again before Papyrus has finished.] Dude, give them some credit. They know I'm taking this bench SUPER seriously. Just ask 'em.

[Because none of them so far have had the nerve to loiter very close by, and that means while Papyrus is distracted he'll get to start his fake-snoring counter all over again.]

[highstandards]

Sans! [Here comes the annoyed foot tapping (with the potential to become angry stomping).] You know I'm not talking about the bench!

[seriff]

[Eh, worth a shot.] OK, I'm up.

[...

No, apparently not. But after much deliberation, he does let one of his feet slide off the side of the bench and dangle there. See, he's showing willing!]

Soon as one of them comes over here, anyway. Let me know, alright?

[highstandards]

Argh.

[This is hopeless. His brother won't get up with yells alone, and every second Papyrus spends berating him is another second depriving everyone else around from his amazing hosting skills. Well, he'll just have find a way to solve both problems in one go. In fact, he's already found it!

The shadow over Sans shifts around as Papyrus waves a hand.]

You, human over there! Yes, with the nifty red sweater! I see you hold your phone up. I'm touched that you want to always carry a memory of this special day, but the presence of the great Papyrus can never be fully captured on film alone. Come here and join the party!

[He has another guest! Now Sans has to get up.]

[seriff]

[Hey now, Sans is a skeleton of his word. It takes a bit of shuffling, but one way or another, he finally finds an angle where he can drape one of his arms over the back of the bench and flash the startled young human a grin of acknowledgement at the same time. It's like being upright.

After that, he glances back toward Papyrus.]

... Don't you mean the pre-party? [It's on all of the extremely eyecatching, extremely capslocked banners.]

[highstandards]

What? [Excuse him for a moment, he's trying to usher the human along while peeking at their phone to see if they're by any chance tweeting about it.] Right, pre-party! Which is so great that it's even better than an actual party, except MY actual party, which going to blow everyone's mind!!

[Papyrus cuts himself off, like he had a sudden revelation.]

Sans, I just had another brilliant idea! I will also throw an AFTER PARTY! Those are the coolest, right?

[seriff]

[Just a phone camera, blurring as Papyrus steers its owner along the grass. They already look nervous enough to drop it... But a ladybug crawling below seems to appreciate the momentary spotlight.

Sans is unfazed.] Hey, there's an idea. Gives us time to change the writing on the decorations.

And the pre-after-party could just go before.

[highstandards]

[Papyrus leads the humans to the tables - he has four whole guests now! What an amazing success! - and with an encouraging pat on the back, sends them straight toward the spike pit (well, more like a ditch. And the spikes are just road cones. Real deadly spikes are surprisignly hard to come by above ground.]

Isn't a pre-after-party just normal party?

[seriff]

[Wow, his brother is on fire today! Sans would unironically applaud, except his hand is occupied. Or rather, the back of the bench is occupied. By his hand.

So he grins, like normal.] Oh yeah. Good call. Then we can move the after-pre-party over, to save time.

[Since Papyrus has already given their newest guest an appropriate welcome, he settles back a bit more in his seat. He was already slouching, but as he was reminded a minute ago, he needs to go above and beyond the usual call of slackery on days like today.]

By the way... are the humans supposed to be wearing the spikes?

[One of them is. On their head.]

1/3

[highstandards]

What?

[For a moment Papyrus just stares, jaw opening and closing at this glaring breach of protocol.]

NO!! That is not what you're supposed to do with spikes AT ALL –

[highstandards]

Wait. Don't tell me...

DONE, sorry

[highstandards]

THAT THEY LOVED MY SPIKES SO MUCH THEY WEAR ONE TO CHERISH THE EXPERIENCE FOREVER?!?!

[seriff]

And look, that other one's escaping.

[Indeed, the spike-wearer's nearby friend has just grabbed another of the traffic cones and is now gleefully absconding across the grass, in pursuit of... something. That's what Papyrus gets for inviting middle school age kids.]

[highstandards]

Wow, they really can't wait to tell everyone about it! I had no idea humans loved spikes so much. I should work harder to get real ones next time.

[He writes "AWSOME HOST" on another cone as he speaks, and puts it on his head.]

[seriff]

I know, right? You didn't even add the lava yet. [Nor the lava substitute they settled on while planning ahead for the actual party, which was bolognese sauce. Just because he slept through half of the setup doesn't mean he forgot what he was sleeping through!

On that note, though...]

Welp, nice work. Guess you won't need a hand with anything else. [So he'll quite happily close his eyesockets again.]

[highstandards]

SANS!! [Now he's stomping.] You better not be sleeping through the actual party!

[seriff]

Huh, is it that time already?

[Creak, creak goes the bench. If Papyrus isn't careful, his spike might fall off. Naturally, this means Sans won't mention it.]