someone left a cake in the rain

[rewritethis]

[BANG. BANG.]

Dash! Dash!! Open up!

[Doorknocking this violent isn't an uncommon occurrence around this particular dorm, especially accompanied by that voice. What might be a bit more notable is that the sound actually seems to be coming from somewhere close to the floor. Yes, closer than usual. In fact, knocking probably isn't the right word...]

Comments

[elementofloyalty]

[Splat! Direct hit! She turns a full 360 in midair before her wings catch her.]

[Rainbow hovers there a moment, blinking slowly as icing and crumbs trickle down her face. He's got a moment to explain before anger hits -- or at least laugh, because that at least makes it a prank.]

[rewritethis]

That's for not giving me any warning! [Nope, no laughter. Not even a smile as he jabs a crumb-covered finger down at the sodden mess now gently disintegrating into mush on Rainbow's floor. (Mostly her floor, anyway.)] Now tell me something - what the hell was this doing outside my window?!

[elementofloyalty]

[To no one's surprise, she promptly goes rigid with anger, swiping cake and frosting off herself with a forehoof before she lands, back arched slightly and one hoof pawing at the ground.]

Apparently, giving you a WEAPON for an UNPROVOKED ATTACK on an INNOCENT PONY!

[rewritethis]

[It's a testament to how annoyed this seems to have made him that he still doesn't even snicker at the sight of her frosting-encrusted face.]

Don't jerk me around, Dash! How many cakes belonging to normal people come with their own damn personal raincloud?!

[While he's at it, he whips both of his gloves off and rather emphatically begins to wring them out, adding a splash of grimy-looking water to the mess on the floor. Subtle.]

[elementofloyalty]

Look who thinks he's so important! Like I'd bake a cake for you in the first place! Like I have NOTHING better to do than slave over a hot stove all day for someone who wouldn't even appreciate it if I did it!

[rewritethis]

Are you even listening?! [He spreads his hands - including the one holding both of his gloves, so this mostly serves to flick more water across the room.] Whatever pointless crap you want to do to your cake in your own time, that's your damn business, but keep it the hell away from my window! If I wanted a distraction, I'd ask for one!

[The idea that the cake and the raincloud might possibly not be connected? Oh, please. You know what they say about the simplest logical explanation.]

[elementofloyalty]

If I had a cake, I'D EAT IT MYSELF!

[She stamps her hooves -- left right left -- then flares her wings and sweeps them forward and down hard, to flip some of that water on the floor back at him.]

And next time I see your window needs cleaning, I'll THROW MUD AT IT! Then maybe you'll get off your half-metal flank and clean it yourself!

[She doesn't know his automail leg doesn't go all the way up. She just assumes that's the case, given that his arm works that way. Hey hey assumptions everywhere today!]

[rewritethis]

[And unnecessarily overwrought reactions! Also literally, after a quick handclap. That hissing noise is the sound of the water dissipating in a puff of steam as it hits his outstretched palm.]

So what, you wanna convince me someone totally unrelated decided to leave it there, and it just happened to develop its own microclimate? Is that what you're saying? It's like you're not even trying!

[elementofloyalty]

[...Darn it, Ed, stop doing cool things in the middle of the argument. It's distracting.]

Oh, so you admit that you have absolutely no friends at all who would ever do anything nice for you.

[rewritethis]

[And tiny concentrated rainclouds right outside someone's window when they're trying to nap work aren't??]

What the hell are you saying now?!

[elementofloyalty]

[oh gosh did he really think those were cool]

I'm saying YOU're saying that NO ONE, not ANYONE YOU KNOW, would try to bring you a cake or something! Because you yell and shout all the time so OBVIOUSLY no one else likes you!

[rewritethis]

[...a little... if they weren't so damn loud.

All set to continue yelling at her until his lungs give out, he angrily inhales - which provides a lengthy enough break from said ranting for him to pick up on that blatant hint just then. And that, in turn, trips him up long enough for the rest of his brain to catch up with the conversation so far.]

...You what? [He's dialled down the volume, but he still sounds distinctly disbelieving, if his raised eyebrow didn't give that away.]

[elementofloyalty]

WHAT did I what!?

[See, she might have been yelling without exactly thinking about the words coming out of her mouth, so she herself has neither calmed down, nor is she taking this latest question charitably. She's convinced it's a trick.]

[rewritethis]

So it was your cake! What's the big idea?

[This is obviously the most important detail he just deduced.]

[elementofloyalty]

It WASN'T MY CAKE! Maybe someone put it out there as a PRANK after I put the cloud up there because they knew you'd blame ME!

[She can only bristle furiously for so long without greater impetus than this, so her hackles are slowly coming down. Slowly.]

Why in Celestia's name would I go to all this effort for a really lame prank?

[rewritethis]

How the hell would I know why you're so into pranks? [He may not quite be at full volume, but he can still bristle! He can bristle forever.] The least you could've done was ask!

[elementofloyalty]

I LIKE pranking people, it's funny. This isn't funny. It just upset you. That's how you should know it wasn't ME.

Or Pinkie Pie.

[rewritethis]

[so it turns out he actually is Fluttershy, huh]

Well... [He relents a little, but his hackles still aren't all the way down.] Quit beating around the bush! I know the rain was yours!

[elementofloyalty]

[Half Fluttershy, half Applejack. Ed's new title is the Flutterjack Alchemist, okay?]

Yeah, because your window was filthy! I put the cloud there to wash it clean!

[rewritethis]

Okay, but... [He rallies.] But how'd you know I wasn't gonna get around to it? Maybe I was just busy!

[elementofloyalty]

[She lifts herself up a little, pointedly staring down at him, then very deliberately raises her forelegs, claps her hooves together, then thrusts them at nothing. How busy does he have to be to not have time to do THAT?!]

[rewritethis]

[He's winding down only to the extent that he's rapidly running out of ways to spin this.

He spreads his arms.] You could've asked! That's all I'm saying!

[elementofloyalty]

[Except that he's only gotten HER cranked up more. Cranked up to an unusual level...]

Oh yeah, and we both know how that would go.

[She turns sideways and looks at nothing with as bright, wide-eyed and eager an expression as he's ever seen on her.]

"Hey Ed, can I do something nice for you?"

[She zooms around to take the position of the Ed she had been addressing a moment ago, scowling and waving her hooves vaguely as she rolls her eyes.]

"No, Rainbow, you'd do it through non-SCIENTIFIC means and blah blah alchemy and also I have a complex about people being my friend and doing things for me blah blah I'm super-independent also alchemy."

[rewritethis]

[Oh, she did not go there!

He's not tall enough to descend on her like the wrath of an angry agnostic god, but his expression compensates for an appreciable fraction of that as he lunges at her shoulders. Not that he has any idea what he'll do if by some minute chance he does manage to grab them; it's the principle of the thing. Specifically, the principle of... well, she knows.]

DAMMIT, THAT'S NOT WHAT I SOUND LIKE!!

[...he isn't contesting the content...]

[elementofloyalty]

[Sure, he can grab her! He can even haul her down! She's perfectly willing to ram her forehead into his and glare at him with the fury of a thousand angry suns.]

YES IT IS! Look how mad you are because I did something NICE FOR YOU WITHOUT ASKING!